You Just Had 2B There

This is the first installment of many Had To Be There's. I hear (and say) some of the most random things you'll probably come across...I've taken the best parts of the most bizarre conversations for you to chuckle at. With every one you read, you might laugh or you might not, but at the end of reading you'll really wish you were there!

• So I took an ice cream scoop of pot...


• TN: Is there anything else you wanted to put in this envelope.
  Yee: No, I left my anthrax at home today.


• BDL: And when there's a nuclear war all the roaches will come out and...
  Me: Be like "Yea bitches! Survival of the fittest!"


• BDL: If there was once thing that I could take away and you'd be angry, what would it be?
  Me: That rubber band ball BDL: I was gonna say your innocence.


• You were a tough cookie to crack but once I did you were all ooey gooey sweet inside.


• I don't know what it is...but I put it in my mouth.


• Me: He got punched in the face, he deserves to be mad.
  Yee: They came to fisticuffs.


• Hooking is where I draw the line. I can't be sitting in class thinking about who I have screw to pay for it.


• I told you...I'm headed to the pole.


• I liked it too...'til I got suspended.


• Me: This is going to be inappropriate and a bit sexual, but touch this :::as I force her to grab my boob::: it's my new bra.
  Yee: Um there's a window right there!
  Me: Oh, damn I forgot about the window.


• Random Student Caller (near tears): I have a registration question. I'm so confused about my schedule. It says MWR what does this mean?
  Me: Monday Wednesday Thursday


• These people find so much power between the chair and keyboard.


• I bet you would look good in green with all of your chocolate goodness coming out.


• Big Daddy L: Now I have to worry about you busting a cap on me.
  Me: You always had to worry it's just now you know.
  BDL: Well...that's how my bitches roll.


• I sat in the wrong part of the chair, I'm not sure I can have babies now.


• Some people get uncomfortable with the off-color stuff. The squirm is fun.


• Me: What if I was smelling and wasn't breathing thru my nose?
  Him: Where else would you breathe?
  (We're both idiots.)


• That kid is as dumb as a rock. He's like a real cool kid, but he's Old School stupid.


• Lesson of the Day: Caffine and exercise do not mix unless you want an instant laxative.


• This is too much drama for a non-relationship relationship.


• I can't even lie, I'm really messed up. I see like 3 or 4 of her.


• Gotta think economically, do I want one shot for $9 or 4 shots and some juice for the same price?


• I wear headbands to help keep my thoughts together.


• Me: Oh is it gonna tug at my heart strings?
  Yee: Probably not since your an unfeeling B-I.


• I swear these people get their rocks off by being mean, so whenever they are it's like an orgasm.


• We're in a recession. I'm about to lick the liquor off the ice in my cup.


• I dream of her at night covered in gravy.


• Are we gonna run on these walks?
  
• I can feel my eyesockets.


• Shut your eyes and you can feel your head.


• TN: Don't you know you catch more bees with honey?
  Me: Well, you catch more flies with bullshit.


• I wish I would see a thug with a scarf on, I'll tickle the hell outta him.
  
• I was undertaken by the influence unexpectedly.


• Kevin: I own a horse. My cousin trains them to race.
  Me: Oh like dog racing?
  Him: Yea...except horses.


• Everytime I put my feet into my sneaks they're so comfortable it feels like my toes are having an orgasm.


• TN: These people are crazy! What's wrong with them?
  Me: Now I see why people bring guns to work, they solve everything.


• I have 4 boys in my life...and I think 2 is my max.


• I need more than 2 words. He coulda kept them.


• If I were in a 3rd world country...this would be where I got a food ration.
  
• This is all shades of f-d up.


• We're like a fat girl in spandex...we know we shouldn't do it, but just can't help ourselves.